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cure money madness
February 2009 
In the Flow with Dough – the hotel in NYC
Posted on Jun 7th, 2007
by 
Spencer
Spencer
To avoid an unexpected spring storm, I flew from SFO to JFK on the redeye 9 hours ahead of my originally booked flight. Ozo car, the hybrid limo service picked me up at 7am from JFK for the drive to Manhattan for about the same money as an ordinary taxi.
As the Prius came to a stop at 7:45am, I awoke from grabbing another half hour of sleep after the short night on the plane and I said to James the driver, "You must have passed the hotel; this isn't it." He answered, "Yes, it's the address you gave us." "Yeah, but this isn't my hotel. Wait here a second." I go inside and sure enough the front desk has my name. But this isn't the beautiful hotel I slept in last time. Still I'm exhausted and they say I'm lucky this microscopic three seat lobby hotel can do an early check-in.
I go to my room on the 2nd floor - it's small. Very small. There's a mouse-trap under the bed. The window faces another building so close there's no direct light coming in at any time of day and no view of anything but bricks. I imagine breaking open the plastic sheet storm window to stick my head outside to get a view of something. Anything, But I don't have a knife (aviation security!) to break apart the three inch thick duct tape adhered to the plastic storm windows. I call the front desk for a restaurant recommendation and he just reads the names from a tourist guide. I asked, "Can you personally recommend anything?" "No sir, we don't provide any concierge services here." I want to get on the internet and book another hotel, but the front desk doesn't even understand that I mean by a "business services center." I call the 4-star hotel where I stayed during my last NYC trip and they have a room, but something keeps me from booking it.
One of my early childhood Money Madness messages was "save all you can even if you have to suffer," but I know I can easily afford a nicer room. And since rejecting my family's religion of doing things on the cheap, I've stayed in dozens, hundreds of fabulous hotels over the years. But I don't move to the phone. I look around the room of this no-star hotel.
Instead of doing something, I allow the feelings of frustration, anger, shame, blame to be there. Post red-eye, I'm too tired to interfere with thoughts, so the feelings just flow. I breathe. I'm angry that I didn't get the hotel I expected. I'm frustrated that I'm here and not there. I'm sad that my parents were so frugal and I'm ashamed that I want so much to be different from them. Why do I often fantasize about some luxury solving my problems? Isn't simplicity ok? I'm too tired to keep imaging different solutions, then ask, "How can this moment, this hotel be sufficient? How can it be enough?"
Then a peace emerges. I'm okay. In fact, I'm the same whether the hotel has 4 stars or no stars. A smile emerges and I'm noticing the advantages of this hotel; the lack of noise in lobby and room, the 1 flight down to the lobby (no waiting for fancy elevators). This room with no view keeps me from getting distracted from my work. The tacky but clean cushioned headboard creates a great writing environment experience and I experience one of the most enjoyable writing experiences of my life that afternoon.
I say, "This is enough. No this is perfect; this is the hotel I'm staying at." There's no need to try and acquire more. I can finally enjoy what I have.
My Money Monster (more at that in the next blog) tried to get me to change hotels, but when my body relaxed, the Money Monster lost his grip and I got to a place I call "Madness Free" or "In the Flow with Dough."
As the Prius came to a stop at 7:45am, I awoke from grabbing another half hour of sleep after the short night on the plane and I said to James the driver, "You must have passed the hotel; this isn't it." He answered, "Yes, it's the address you gave us." "Yeah, but this isn't my hotel. Wait here a second." I go inside and sure enough the front desk has my name. But this isn't the beautiful hotel I slept in last time. Still I'm exhausted and they say I'm lucky this microscopic three seat lobby hotel can do an early check-in.
I go to my room on the 2nd floor - it's small. Very small. There's a mouse-trap under the bed. The window faces another building so close there's no direct light coming in at any time of day and no view of anything but bricks. I imagine breaking open the plastic sheet storm window to stick my head outside to get a view of something. Anything, But I don't have a knife (aviation security!) to break apart the three inch thick duct tape adhered to the plastic storm windows. I call the front desk for a restaurant recommendation and he just reads the names from a tourist guide. I asked, "Can you personally recommend anything?" "No sir, we don't provide any concierge services here." I want to get on the internet and book another hotel, but the front desk doesn't even understand that I mean by a "business services center." I call the 4-star hotel where I stayed during my last NYC trip and they have a room, but something keeps me from booking it.
One of my early childhood Money Madness messages was "save all you can even if you have to suffer," but I know I can easily afford a nicer room. And since rejecting my family's religion of doing things on the cheap, I've stayed in dozens, hundreds of fabulous hotels over the years. But I don't move to the phone. I look around the room of this no-star hotel.
Instead of doing something, I allow the feelings of frustration, anger, shame, blame to be there. Post red-eye, I'm too tired to interfere with thoughts, so the feelings just flow. I breathe. I'm angry that I didn't get the hotel I expected. I'm frustrated that I'm here and not there. I'm sad that my parents were so frugal and I'm ashamed that I want so much to be different from them. Why do I often fantasize about some luxury solving my problems? Isn't simplicity ok? I'm too tired to keep imaging different solutions, then ask, "How can this moment, this hotel be sufficient? How can it be enough?"
Then a peace emerges. I'm okay. In fact, I'm the same whether the hotel has 4 stars or no stars. A smile emerges and I'm noticing the advantages of this hotel; the lack of noise in lobby and room, the 1 flight down to the lobby (no waiting for fancy elevators). This room with no view keeps me from getting distracted from my work. The tacky but clean cushioned headboard creates a great writing environment experience and I experience one of the most enjoyable writing experiences of my life that afternoon.
I say, "This is enough. No this is perfect; this is the hotel I'm staying at." There's no need to try and acquire more. I can finally enjoy what I have.
My Money Monster (more at that in the next blog) tried to get me to change hotels, but when my body relaxed, the Money Monster lost his grip and I got to a place I call "Madness Free" or "In the Flow with Dough."
Access: Public
I am so happy to meet you Spencer. I am looking forward to reading your wisdom and advice in your blog. I think I was meant to see Siona's email this evening.
My money monster is SCreaming at the top of her lungs at me, right now. I am in a financial bind these days. I have accumalated more in the way of expenses than my husband and I have income. My money monster is pushing me, no shoving me to pay everyone I owe, reqardless of the low level in my gas tank, bald tires, aching wisdom teeth in my 17 year old's mouth. “They are going to come get you Mame! They are going to take everything away from you! You are such a loser!”
Now I do know that our income will be increasing by a couple hundred dollars a month starting in September. I have enough to pay my essentials-mortgage, utilities, insurance, car… but not enough for the $600.00 a month in minimum credit card payments. At the end of the month I will still have a roof over my head and more abundance on its way. So how come I can't stop the Monster from attacking?
Thanks
:)
Mame
I love this story of the hotel room.
I am reminded once again that everything
lies in my perception: and contentment always
lies within.
My “money monster” is most active
when I think something or someone
outside myself can save me.
Thank you for being here!
Thank you for introducing me to my Money Monster Spencer - grrrrrrrrr! She/he/it has teeth and a BIG growl!
Not that we didn't know one another, it's just that whenever it's around it's standing so damn close I can't see it starting where the end of my own nose finishes ;)
What a really creative, effective and hopefully paradigm-shifting experience this recognition and meeting will be.
I do have tools at my finger tips which have enabled me to turn the tacky but clean cushioned headboards of recent years into enjoyable experiences, but now that my Money Monster and I are finally face to face, with a little breathing space in there, I'm hopeful we can really shift some paradigm.
I really look forward to reading more of your blogs over the coming weeks.
Is there any chance of bringing the publishing of your book forward to next year??
thanks Spencer
spencer this is remarkable…however need guidance from you…whatever i earn is always a tad less for me…savings well kindly explain what that means..need your immediate intervention to help me achieve what i desire.regards rajiv
Wow. I'm just a seedling in re-understanding money. I just figured for my whole life that money hated me. My mom and dad constantly said there was never any money for anything……then suddenly a car or new stereo system appeared. I am (astonishingly) playing the same game with myself but didn't even know it. This “feels” fear-filled for me but also hopeful.
Spencer,
What a great leader you are. Tackling the money monster has been a long-time goal for me and finally, like you in this blog, I have found some peace. I spent my life being in opposition with my money monster. It is me against him and the battle is on! Until a realization I had very recently that I am not in opposition with it, I am one with it. As I accept that the money monster is just another aspect of me I have yet to integrate and find union with him, then peace returns and the fighting fades away. I am finally at peace with my financial situation and instead of stress, I see solutions. I can lay my financial life on the table and look at what cards I have to play. I have always felt the money monster on my back, until now. I think most people really need your inspiration and I appreciate you for your blessings. I am creating an intimiate relationship with money and my money monster, who is actually quite tame. :).
You know Jt, I kind of agree with you on this. I feel like I got pulled into and then left hanging. I joined this discussion since it isn't a pod for some real financial advice and support. At the beginning there were a lot of comments and requests for insight and the only responses were from other bloggers but not Specer. I haven't seen any new posts in a while. I have posted with questions and comments and nary a word from the wealth advisor. I am a member af several pods here and some more involved than others but this one really is a dud. Where oh Where oh Where is Spencer?
I would thank you for agreeing with me but for some odd reason……..what I said isn't there any more…….how about that!!!
I've checked the company out, all it seems like is “buy a little of every index” for a rather high fee…….that is, if you have the money to “get in the door”.
One can buy an equal weight of a bunch of indexes by spending 20 minutes on the internet.